Define Marriage

Marriage, weddings, churches, wedding rings, these are some of the most horrifying words to men across the globe, tortured souls whose life with a beautiful woman is about to come to an end the minute he walks up the isle of a church and utters those infamous words " Do I have to? ".

The three main actions in a church when you are getting married are that you walk up an aisle, stand by an alter, and we all joyfully sing a hymm, do you get it now? The fairer sex even has ancient mystical codes embedded within a church to snare their unsuspecting men.They do this to us, no matter what we vow to our selves, they will still change us, and why, is it because we love them so much? or maybe they can see the real beauty in us and want to bring it out, or is it because we are to dopey to understand this medieval vixens stranglehold that she has over us with her bewitching powers.

Each marriage is different, each has its own personal macabre meaning to the white witch of the day, every wedding has already started the countdown to the day of reckoning, the day the white witch and her mother move in with you. It usually happens, the queen and her offspring will nest within your sanctuary, your castle has become a lair, to spawn more of their kind through you, so the cycle can start again, luring future young innocent souls into the clutches of your own demented offspring.

1) The joining of two purses, one empty and one full

2) The joining of two heads, one empty and one full

3) The joining of two souls, one arse and one rich arse

4) The joining of two workers, one in industry the other in gold digging

5) The joining of two minds, one full of air and one with no hair

6) The joining of two bodies, one with a foot in the grave, one with legs around the best man

7) The joining of two spirits, one for medicinal purposes the other is just a lush

8) The joining of two humans, one on his way out, the other is helping him

9) The joining of two hopes, one hopes to live , one hopes he won't

10) The joining of two hearts, one on drugs for life, the other a life full of drugs

           Or, is it the other way around ??

 Is marriage the mans attempt to get the woman to be their own, to have and to procreate with when ever we feel like it, in sickness they must look after us because we act like we have the Black Plague when we really only have a cold, till one of us pops our clogs from overworking, hopefully its not me. Is this really what we want, a woman in our lives to darn socks and do the washing up? Is this our way of getting out of doing the washing or making the bed? Like having a vicious pet on a lead and we are trying to train her.

Strange

Do we understand that bringing a woman into our lives can provide us with even more complications, we could start the third world war just by leaving the toilet seat up, heaven help us if we walk mud over a freshly cleaned floor, and what do we do with our secret in the closet blow up dolls, you know if you try and use it it will be deflated quicker than a beach ball on a cactus. Out go all the lovely friends that were girls, no more stay overs with five in the bed, you six pack will begin to turn into a keg, and your nuts will begin to swing like pendulans from a grandfather clock.

Whatever the purpose of marriage, at one time or another, most of us try it at least once, some like it enough to try it seven or eight times, some just get married to kill off their wives one at a time and become a world famous serial killer, what ever the reason, it is beyond me.

 1) You're what? have you taken the test?

2) Is it mine?

3) So do you want to or what?

4) Pleeesh marry meh, annd gesh me anuvvver pint luv?

5) Look, are you going to marry me or do I have to ask your sister?

6) She is only a friend, you know I love you

7 ) Interpol are after me, I need a new identity

8) How much will I save on tax returns?

9) How much will I make per child?

10) Gosh I think your mother is fit.